


Week

by ayame_yume



Category: NCT
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Song Lyrics, both ships are still mentioned, canon AU, idk but most members are mentioned for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-06 05:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayame_yume/pseuds/ayame_yume
Summary: Just a week of Huang Renjun's life.[Based of Chungha's song, Week. But the plot itself may or may not have anything to do with it.]





	1. Prologue

_Monday_

_Tuesday_

_Wednesday_

_Thursday_

_Friday_

_Saturday_

_Sunday_

_Where am I?_

_Day after day, if only I can hold onto it_

Everyday feel empty since you are gone.

Can you at least tell me where you are?

 

The flower you gave to me that day has withered long ago.

Yet, you have not given me a new one.

 

I miss you.

 

All I can do is let the day pass and wait.

Wait until you will come and take me along with you.

 

_Another day passes, and I fall asleep again._

**_Without you._ **


	2. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter. i rewrite this one so much and i finally i got a version i can finally be satisfied with. enjoy.

_“Until when will I be left alone here?_

_Another day passes and I fall asleep.”_

* * *

  **Chapter 1 – On Monday**

* * *

Usually, I would be awake at 5 PM to prepare breakfast.

Today, I woke up later than usual.

It would be me who woke up first among the Dream members. All of them were lazy asses and wouldn’t move even an inch from their bed unless it was Manager-hyung who woke them up. Especially Park Jisung—he woke whenever he wanted to.

But it didn’t seem to be the case today. My feeling said there was no one in this house except me. No one. Not even dorm aunt, who usually been here right after we all went out to practice.

I checked the clock after rubbed my itchy eyes. Almost nine o’clock, huh? I woke up four hours later than every day. Looking at the time, it made sense that there will be no one in the house. I’m not sure where Jeno and Jeno might go, since they are free souls now who did whatever they want and roaming around the Earth, but Jisung must be at school. Chenle maybe went to NCT 127’s dorm or playing in the playground below. He always did whenever I woke up late—even though it was just for a goddamn 5 minute.

I ever caught him playing slide with Jisung at 5 AM. My words aren’t foul blabbers.

Well, for Chenle’s case, he will go home whenever he feels like to. He will contact me or go back home if he truly needs me. I will let him go this once.

As long he is alive, I don’t really mind.

…

Indeed, with only one person breathing in one huge house like this, it felt lonely.

The usually noisy, high-pitched, ears-destroying voices which filled the lively living heard couldn’t be heard. Only suffocating silence that may take someone’s life in every second passed remained. Such a lonely room.

It fitted me. I want this silence to take my ungrateful soul away whenever they want. It has been a while since I desired it, even though I can’t remember when I begin to ask them.

…What the hell are you talking about, Huang Renjun? You are grateful of your life and more than everything, you are grateful for who you are now. Stop saying non-sense.

I stared at the empty living room for a while. Something haunted me about it. But I didn’t really pay any attention to it and proceed to the kitchen. As I passed the huge refrigerator, an unpleasant, bright yellow post-it caught my eyesight. Maybe it was a life message left to me? I don’t know.

 _“Hey. Good morning, sleepy head._  
I went out first since I need to take care of something. It has been a while since I saw you sleep with your head in Moomin’s body and you looked at peace. It pained me to wake you up.  
Donghyuck came and brought us breakfast.  
They’re in refrigerator. Don’t eat late.  
Also, we were going home late today.

_Don’t skip meals, you need to survive, you know? >:(_

_Your lovely Jeno”_

**_Your lovely_ ,** huh?

I threw the post it to the trashcan immediately. Disgusting.

In case you are confused, Donghyuck is Haechan’s real name. He lives in NCT 127’s Dorm. It was rare for him to visit us right in the morning. I don’t really care though.

I opened the refrigerator. A container filled with red sauced tteokbeokki greeted me immediately. I took a container filled with fresh vegetables Jaemin cut yesterday and a water bottle out instead. Sorry, tteokbeokki. Eating you right now doesn’t sound really appealing to me. Besides, I don’t have any appetite right now. Eating something lighter suited me better than you…

Closed the refrigerator, I crouched down and opened a tile beside it. To be honest, this is wine fridge. They were usually used to keep alcoholic drinks. But most of the people living here didn’t drink alcohol—Dream members are underage and Manager-hyung mostly drinks at 127 Dorm—so we changed the use. We used it to keep our favorite snacks instead. Mostly, we kept instant noodles, chocolates and candies. The foods we can’t eat in order to maintain our appearances.

I don’t get the rule, though. They told me to eat more instead.

I picked salad dressing sauce and mayonnaise out. Then, I closed the tile.

My breakfast would be salad. After moved some vegetables out from the container and mixed them well with the dressing sauce and mayonnaise, I returned everything back to where they supposed to be and poured the cold water to a mug. Put them in a tray, I brought them to the living room. After find a comfortable position in front of the sofa, I switched on the TV in front of me.

It was a news broadcast. I ate my breakfast while watching it.

“The first news came from the famous car accident occurred in front of Gangnam Station two weeks ago. An oil truck hit a bus which created a massive explosion and got an unfortunate car involved in the process. The police said yesterday that the car was occupied by three persons. Two which died in the scene while the other one was being hospitalized and still hasn’t gain consciousness. Today, police informed that this unconscious victim was actually an idol from a famous company. Aside from being unconscious, the police hasn’t say how bad this idol situation—”

I didn’t really pay attention to the TV. I don’t like this kind of news. I let them play in order to ease the silence a bit. I looked at the sky instead.

Somehow, the sky was pretty clear. No clouds covered the blue-colored canvas above us. It urged me to draw over it. Hmm, what’s good to cover those unstained blue landscape? Moomin? Since Moomin is white! If he covered the sky, it will be very pretty…

…

The window was wide open since I don’t know when. I could bet that Jeno forgot to close it before going out. Cool breezes flew inside the room, filled the one person living room with their refreshing scent. It moved my not-so-long hair back…

I closed my eyes, and heard the wind’s voices. It was so nice.

_As if they are greeted me…_

I ate my breakfast while breathing the cool, fresh air, and watching the sky in peace.

* * *

After finished my small but satisfying breakfast and took a bath, I cleaned the house.

If I can say something about it, then, this is the pain of living with someone else—especially if the living mates are pretty much younger than you. The people I live with, NCT Dream members, are a pure definition of “mess”. They aren’t just messed up their room, but also their literal life—oh okay I need to include myself inside as well since I live with them. They are just dirty. If Taeyong-hyung ever looked at our rooms after we did a promotion, he probably would pass out.

While I’m not a clean-freak like Taeyong-hyung or Jungwoo-hyung, this house needs at least one person to be like them. So I volunteered and threw myself into this big burden. Sigh.

Strange enough, it wasn’t that dirty for me to shed sweats.

In fact, they were strangely clean.

…What happen? Did Aunt come early today? I don’t think so.

Well, who cares. Since the sun is still up above my head, I decided to doodle something. I opened my apple logo tablet and chose a drawing application. I picked up my phone and searched for something I should draw. But I didn’t gain any inspiration and looked up once again to the sky.

After a while, I figured out what I want to draw. It was something I pictured before.

Moomin and the blue sky.

Drawing has its own magic. It has been my hobby since I was young. When you drew, you were pulled into an unknown imagination land filled with what you want to see only. It supposed to be filled with happiness. It wasn’t supposed to be filled with pain. Only what made you happy. After all, it’s your own world, right? That’s what I thought.

My own imagination land—it doesn’t exist. I can only see black scenery.

Since you were pulled into this unknown world, time passed really fast. By the time I finished my masterpiece, the digital clock beside the TV showed 2 o’clock in afternoon. If I wasn’t mistaken myself, I started around 11 o’clock. It should be three hours since I started. And I didn’t move much from my position either.

My phone rang so hard from the other side of the room. I charged and left it alone. Looking at the caller ID, I sighed.

It was Jeno.

Still, the weather is really nice. It will be a shame to let this kind of weather down.

…

Maybe a walk won’t hurt.

I went to my room for the first time since the morning to change my clothes. Black-colored sweater and jeans became my choice. After making sure to bring a wallet and plugged off my phone, I switched of the living room’s lamp and closed the door. Locked it, I took my first step out from the place sheltered me for the past 24 hours.

I’m not really a coffee person, but when I saw a couple passed me while holding a cup of coffee in both of their hands, the urge to buy one grew. At first, I want to visit the practice room. But I remembered Mark-hyung (or is it Jeno?) told me that if you don’t feel good to practice, it’s better to stay away from practice room.

…

Okay, let’s just buy coffee and go home.

There was a coffee shop I really love since I was a trainee, close to our dorm. Whenever I felt tired or sad, the smell of Expresso they made will give my energy back even though I didn’t buy anything and just passed the shop. My mood also gets better immediately. Other than me, Mark-hyung and Jeno also enjoyed coffee from this shop—

“Welcome, sir. May I take your order?”

The maid greeted me with a bright smile. I smiled back as I walked to the counter.

“Uhm… One Chocolate Frappuccino, please,” I said.

“Anything else?”

Looking at the food counter, a particular cake caught my attention immediately.

“That tiramisu cake too… Pack me a slice.”

“One Chocolate Frappuccino and one tiramisu cake. I understand, please wait a minute,” the maid said as she proceeded to prepare my order.

Bored, I decided to do my obligation as the children’s unofficial mom. Opening my phone, 50 calls from Jeno filled my screen. I cleared them all and went to our group chat, asking whether they will have dinner at home or somewhere else. I waited for a while. Then all of them, in unison, said no. Hmph.

I want to ask Mark-hyung if he can eat dinner with me or not. But…

“Here’s your order, sir!”

No. Probably he won’t. Taeyong-hyung will feed him first before I asked him out…

Took my order, I gave the amount of money they asked and said my gratitude. I heard the maid who took care of me screamed but since I already turned my back so I don’t really know why they screamed.

Walking back home alone made me wonder if I was lonely or not.

It was also remind me of our song, “Walk You Home”. The song was really refreshing. It energized you after a very tiring day and (hopefully), made everyone who heard the song smiled. While I said I like “My Page” the most, I really liked how “Walk You Home” has the capability to heal someone…

The song itself talked about don’t wanting to let go someone you love, wanting to spend more time with her. A teenager type song fitted NCT Dream.

_“Hey, Renjun!”_

“…!?”

“Mark-hyung?”

“ _Stay here with me for a while, please? I feel like I will miss you so much…_ ”

**“ _I like to be with you as long as I can!_**

**_Well, if possible…_ **

**_I want it to happen forever, hehe!”_ **

…

I can’t remember when he said that. But he smiled…

Stopped next to the famous Han River, I watched the sun sets. “Walk You Home” played right in the back of my mind. Reminds me of those beautiful evening I spent with Mark-hyung even though I can’t remember when it happened exactly.

…

Maybe, I did **feel** a bit lonely.

* * *

By the time I got home, it was 5 o’clock in the evening.

Home sweet home. I changed my jeans to a more comfortable one and went back to the room I spent most of my time today. The living room.

Entered the kitchen, I grabbed a plate and placed it above the counter. I moved out the tiramisu cake to the plate and brought it together with Frappuccino to the living room. I sat on the floor again. Switched on the TV, I was greeted with another news time. Curse my luck.

Sigh.

Why do I keep getting news? Can’t you give me something like music broadcast?

I didn’t like to change the channel. I always stuck with this channel since I can’t remember when.

“Today, the president gave his deep condolences to the victims of the great accident last week. He explained in his speech this afternoon that the government will pay all the funeral fees and give the family who lost their family—”

_Please stop! I don’t want to hear this anymore!_

I switched off the TV. Maybe, I should take this kind of news seriously.

The snack time ended as all the food filled my stomach. Since I had nothing to do, I picked up a quite heavy book placed nicely above the coffee table.

It was an English novel Mark-hyung recommended one day in the past. He said it as a recommendation but he was the one who bought it to me.

The reason? He wants me to use his present last year.

Damn.

Well, the story is quite plain in my opinion. It was about a girl who spent her days wondering how her lover doing in the outside world without her. She is sick so she never leaves her apartment. Her lover is the one who often visit her. But one day, he doesn’t come for like weeks and she couldn’t help but worrying about it. She trusted him though, and wondered how he was doing—doesn’t know that her beloved has died in a car accident.

I asked Mark-hyung for the whole summary first and give it a go. Hyung said the book isn’t hard to understand. The author would like her international fans, especially those from eastern part of the world, to read it in her mother language which is English. She wants her fans to read the original version, since she doesn’t want the originality from the actual story vanished.

There are some questions left in the back of my head but I decided to keep it until the right time. I want to find out myself.

So far, I finished only one chapter. A chapter is quite long and Mark-hyung **demanded me** to use the dictionary. Also, I have no leisure time like this in the past months.

…

Somehow, I feel like the girl in this story.

She is all alone by herself in this world with only one person in her life. She kept saying how lonely she is and wants to meet his lover…

…

Mark-hyung…

The sound of my phone brought me back to the reality. It was 8 o’clock in the night. I finished four chapters in three hours—I made a big progress! Mark-hyung will be very proud of me and won’t nag me anymore about his dictionary! Hehe!

I sent him a message about this and proceed with my day.

I went to the kitchen and took Chenle’s favorite ramyun packages from the not-so-secret tile. After cooked the noodle, I placed a cheese slice on the top. Making sure the noodle is cooked nicely. I waited for the cheese to melt and ate it from the pot immediately.

Despite me being alone, the fear of Jeno suddenly busted the room crept up to my brain. He was full of surprises after all.

I cleaned the dish after I was done and place them back in the dish rack. I made sure to put the package inside my bag. I tidied the secret tile so the missing ramyun wouldn’t be able to be found that easily. After all, I don’t want Manager-hyung to nag me even more. After finishing everything, I took a shower.

Jeno asked me if I had dinner or not when I came out from the shower by message. It was 8.30 o’clock. I didn’t reply. He will know himself.

Laid down on the bed after dried my hair, I recited back the story I have read just now and tried to remember the new words I learned today. I closed my eyes.

Several minutes later, I heard someone opened the front door. It was really quiet. No Chenle’s high-pitched screams, no Jisung’s strangely cute murmurs, no Jaemin’s sweet laughs after listened Jisung and no Jeno’s lazy “I’m home” at all. It was so quiet that the thought of an intruder entering passed my mind.

Still, I’m not really worried. They probably were tired.

And I was right. There was nothing to worry. Since someone entered my room soon after and revealed a sleep-deprived Lee Jeno—sleep deprived?—with his whole training attire throwing his back immediately to the bed. I decided to act sleep since I was too lazy to initiate a conversation.

Usually, he will bust me and jumped on my bed. But all he did was getting close to me and ran his hands on my cheek and forehead. After that, he left after he took a fresh hoodie.

…Maybe Jeno was tired. He looked like hadn’t sleep for days.

I didn’t mind him anymore and tried to go to the dream land.

…

It wasn’t as easy as I expected. My eyes didn’t want to shut.

Then, I heard a nostalgic, but can’t remember where it comes from, lullaby.

Listening to the lullaby, I was drifted to a mesmerizing world of dream like usual.    


	3. Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter. this one i wrote the newer version half way so :")  
> also, introducing my AU's infamous OC, Yunjie~

_All day, I’m standing in front of a mirror._

_With the same face, with the same voice._

_I sang all day._

_Lalalalala Lalalalala_

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Tuesday**

* * *

“…”

“…I’m going now.”

I heard Jeno closed the door of our shared room slowly. Soon after, the sound of clicked door followed. It was strange for a Lee Jeno to close the door quietly.

Sat up, I scrubbed my eyes and yawned. I looked around to make sure my roommate would not mess up too much. Glad, Jeno didn’t seem to mess anything. There was nothing out of place—which lessened my work for the day. His bed had been tidied, which is quite strange for him to do. Probably he realized how much a bother he is in my life.

“…??”

There was something else that caught my attention immediately.

Above Jeno’s bed were a book, Moomin doll and post-it attached to the doll’s nose.

Curious, I moved out from my own bed and walked to my roommate’s bed. I took the post-it and read it.

“ _Hello, Injun-ah. Do you have a good rest?_  
I bet you did. You slept so peacefully to the point even Chenle shed tears. So cute.  
You didn’t eat the tteokbeokki.  
Donghyuck is going to sulk and he would vent all his anger to us. He made it himself after all.  
Jisung went home today, and Chenle followed him.  
I will be home late again.  
Sorry to leave you alone again today. Have a nice day ^^

_Your lovely Jeno_

_P.S Your breakfast is tteokbeokki! – Manager-hyung_ ”

After crushed his cringe post-it and threw it to the nearest trashcan, I took the book and looked at it for a while. The Author was the same to the book Mark-hyung gave to me, but it had different title and Korean-translated one. Even though it was left in Jeno’s bed, I’m so sure this isn’t Jeno’s. That person never read anything. He only read game stories. Only that.

I flipped the book to read the summary, but found another post-it instead in the back. The post-it was written in English.

 _For my lovely Renjun_ , it said.

Was Jeno trying to give this book to me or what? The book was still a brand new one. Even the wrap hadn’t been opened. I don’t think this is from Jeno though. He always bought a yellow one. He never bought a pink one. But then, if it’s not from Jeno, then from who…

I don’t know if someone noticed my recent enjoyment. Jeno might notice it though, but the possibilities of his giving this are too low. But then maybe he did. He is Lee Jeno. He is my roommate. He is unpredictable. If he is predictable (and not cringy at all), then he is not Lee Jeno.

Put down the book, I picked up the doll. It was Moomin. Somehow, it reminded me of the one Kun-hyung gave me last year. They looked similar. But I brought it home early last year…

Maybe it’s just my imagination.

I placed my new Moomin doll in my bed and went out from the room with the book. I will ask about this once I met Jeno in person.

…

The living room still didn’t show any sign of living creatures. At least, someone properly closed the window. I put the book beside the one Mark-hyung gave to me and went to the kitchen—

—to see the tteokbeokki container above the counter. He waited for his owner to be eaten.

…I can’t evade it again, right?

Deep inside, I was curious if this is Manager-hyung’s doing or the children’s prank. The message didn’t sound like Hyung at all. I mean, Hyung will know that having a tteobeokki in the morning, especially the sweet and spicy one, isn’t a good thing! They are spicy! Is it good for my stomach? No! This must be the brats doing. And I know the suspects—

*BEEP BEEP*

First, it must be Park Jisung—

*BEEP BEEP*

—Second, it must be Lee Jeno himself—

*BEEP BEEP*

—Who should I scold first—

*BEEP BEEP*

…

WHO THE HELL CALLED AT 7 O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!?

If it’s Jeno, then he will be dead soon.

I put my chopsticks close to the container in a rough way and walked to where my phone was. I charged them in the same spot as yesterday. I didn’t understand why I’m not annoyed by the ringtone. If I remember it right, yesterday, the ringtone was the same and I’m not really annoyed—

Wait a minute. Someone changed the ringtone!

Jisung or Jeno, whoever is it, I won’t forgive you!

With the thought of scolding whoever called in this ungodly hour and interrogated them for being the possible suspect of my changed ringtone, I plugged off my phone and switched on the lockscreen. In the same time, this person called again.

But then, I don’t know this number. The number wasn’t a familiar one to me, nor my phone. In fact, it was an international one—China on top of it—not Korean. There wasn’t a name written above it. It was an unknown number. I think I gave everyone I think important my number already… Also, he called to my China one. Didn’t I change this number the moment Chenle broke my old phone?

Let me list who I have given the number to. My parents, Dreamies, Taeyong-hyung, Doyoung-hyung, Manager-hyung, my old friend from Jilin—I think I have moved most of them to this phone.

…Then, who is this?

Even though it’s a China one, still…

Sasaeng? I don’t think so. I rarely got a call from unknown number on top of it so I don’t think this is them. Also, unlike everyone else, my fans are quite chill. They really took care of my privacy—which is funny because even someone like Chenle got one call a day from unknown number.

Then, it must be someone I know. Again, who?

To easy my curiousness, I decided to answer. Maybe he is a friend I forgot to ask the number or just a complete stranger who called a wrong number.

“Hello?” I asked in Chinese.

“Hey! This is Renjun, right?”

I twitched my eyes. “Who?”

Okay, this isn’t helping. I’m frustrated. For God’s sake, I never gave my number unless they are important! He doesn’t sound like a sasaeng to me—he sounds too friendly to be one. Also, there’s no freaked out screams everyone mentioned to hear right after they spoke or loud cries. In short, he sounds safe for now.

Let’s dug more information.

“You’re welcome!” he replied.

“I’m asking over here, please,” I said, bitter.

“Haha! Sorry! An introduction, huh? Well, it’s been a long time and you are so busy, so maybe you can’t recall me right away. But whatever! Let me give you some clues!”

Damn, he was playing now.

“The easiest one will be I’m your childhood—no! Soulmate!”

…Soulmate…

“Well, still confused? We went to the same school since Elementary Class 2. You are the best in Korean class. I often visited your house—Oh right! I’m the one who encouraged you to take the speech contest! You won that one, but you failed your Chinese exam so you cried really hard—”

Okay. One thing for sure, he is my friend.

“—Another hint! Whenever I’m around, your mom will tease your Moomin collection—”

“No no no no no no no no! As childish as it could be, Moomin is my life and I. Don’t. Appreciate. Someone. Who. Tease. My. Moomin. Collection!!!”

“But that’s the reality!”

GAH! THIS IS ANNOYING!

“Okay, okay! Last hint!”

“Just give me your goddamn name—”

“We both sang “Miracles in December” for our SM Audition!”

…

SM Audition?

_“Aren’t you amazing!? I mean, you got accepted!”_

_“Yeah! I’m so happy! This means we can be trainees and probably debut together, right?” I asked with a bright smile in my face._

_He smiled back. But it was full of sadness._

_“… Nah, probably we can’t…”_

_“Why?”_

_“It’s just… well…”_

_“You got accepted too, right!? You are the best among the participants, even the judge cried when you sang! There’s no way they will reject such a talented person!”_

_“No, Renjun. Listen. It’s not like what you think._

_I just… can’t. I’m sorry. I rejected. Sorry to not tell you about this and…_

**_Sorry… To leave you alone…”_ **

…

“Jie…” I muttered softly.

It seemed he still heard it.

“Ding dong! Took you long enough to realize it’s me!” I heard him clapped his hands excitedly. He seemed happy.

Xia Yun Jie.

Yunjie—I always called him by Jie—was my classmate and childhood friend since my time in Elementary school. He lived in our neighborhood since he was young. He went to the same school as me since it was the nearest from our houses. Despite him being a full Han Chinese and lived in traditional Chinese family, he was really good at Korean.

He became close with me when we got a seat together. We talked about each other really fast—we found out we lived really close from each other so since then, we always went home together. Like Jie said, he was the one who encouraged me to take a Korean-language speech contest and won the second seat. He felt proud because I became the sole winner to come from younger class and he often pushed me to join a lot of competitions. I spoke my opinion though when we got into middle school. Aside from that, Jie was an understanding child and he was a good friend to trust with everything.

But when he got into 3rd grade in middle school, he changed school suddenly and moved away from his house. We still kept contact to each other, but six months passed and he appeared suddenly, asking me whether I want to take SM Global Audition or not. After he said he rejected the offer, I lost contact with him completely…

Jie never told me the reason why he rejected it. My school friends told me that he wanted to change his path and became a translator. A stable job.

I know Jie since he was young. We shared something for a long time. Our love from singing was what makes us together for a long time. Jie is a great singer—his singing touched a lot of people. He was so passionate about singing and being a singer. It still didn’t make sense to me if he suddenly dropped what he had been dreamed for years. I know him better more than anyone else.

“Hey, you suddenly become quiet. But it really has been a long time. It was no wonder that you forgot your best friend. You are an artist now,” he said.

I can’t say anything. He was right. I truly forgot about him. So much happened since I entered SM—being trained from the basic to the point of having my fourth promotion… I know I was wrong but it was inevitable… Even sometimes, I forgot my own phone number…

“It’s been a long time… Still, I’m so surprised…” I replied.

“Surprised by my call?”

“Must be crazy if not.”

“Why?”

“Common sense! I got an unknown number from China in 7 o’clock, just when I want to eat breakfast. But then, I changed my number and I hadn’t given one to you, right? We lost contact after all… How do you get it?”

“About that—”

“Also, shouldn’t you supposed to be at school? It’s school hour.”

Jie didn’t reply for a few minutes. It was so quiet. I waited in anxious, wondered if the answer to his question is something terrible that he should not say at all. Which I didn’t expect even a bit…

“Ah, about that… The thing is I dropped out one year ago.”

!!!???

“WHAT!?”

“Hey, hey! Don’t be too shocked!”

“Dropped out!? But why!? You are the best student in our school! You always scored the perfect scores at every subject yet you—”

“After you, buddy.”

“JIE!”

“Okay! The reason is I’m not interested anymore. Only that!”

“That’s the only answer I don’t receive in my house!”

I had been with this one person for like almost half of my life. I knew whether he was lying or not. And as far as I know, Jie’s family was poor. They didn’t have that much money to school him in a prestigious school, hence why they schooled him in the one closest to their house. He was clever. He could survive in our school because he was clever. He was offered a lot of scholarships and wanted by a lot of schools in the whole China. Because he got these opportunities, he was grateful to be able to go to school and promised me to won’t let go study no matter what.

He promised me. That’s the highlight.

He wouldn’t drop out because he was bored. Jie is the type to hold his promises until his death.

Like Mark-hyung.

“I can’t lie to you at all. You can see me directly,” he giggled.

“Jie… You are the type to keep studying more than anything in this world…” I said.

“Yeah. I will tell you the actual reason. But don’t freak out, okay? Because I’m okay now,” he said.

“Okay.”

“The truth is…”

“…?”

“My mom is bedridden now. And my dad… He was found dead right after the acceptance announcement.”

…?

What?

“You know, right? My dad moved into the navy. He got into a ship accident. His ship sunk in the deep sea and couldn’t be found at all. But it was long ago, so you don’t have to feel wrong about it anymore.”

Jie laughed it off but did he really think I can let it go? It felt hurt to me. Jie’s dad is a really kind person. He helped me a lot—not to mention, he was the one who built my confidence to stand above the stage. He was Jie’s role figure since he was young. And now, Jie laughed as if it wasn’t something important anymore.

I shed a tear.

“So… You are working, now? How about your sister?” I asked. Trying to keep my voice stable.

“My sister is perfectly fine. She still went to school. Also, you know. Don’t need to feel wrong about my dad anymore. I have passed that phase and I can’t let you going through what I felt before. I’m fine now, don’t cry!”

“You can see me directly too…”

“Your voice shakes too much!”

“So you need to work now?”

“Yeah. I worked close to our house. In a convenience store. I work full-time. Glad the aunt was so kind—she often gave me dinner to bring home!”

“I’m glad you are okay… You need to work really hard now, right? In order to live… I can’t think I can do that…”

“What are you talking about? I can’t do it without your help, genius!”

“What do you mean?”

He grinned and proceeded to do something. I waited him and suddenly, I heard a very familiar song played through my phone.

It’s We Young, right?

“We Young?” I asked.

“Yeah! Renjun, you as an idol is my power even until now. I become your fan right after your debut—no, I’ve been your fan before even you entered SM! You always said in the past that my singing can move someone’s heart but your singing encouraged someone instead! I’m so proud of my little Junjun!” he replied, faking a cry.

“Who the hell is Junjun.”

We laughed together. And something passed my mind suddenly.

“…Jie, how do you get my number again?” I asked seriously.

“Oh, right. Someone sent me a message with South Korea number. He told me that he was your friend and gave me this number to contact you. I was quite confused at first. Nonetheless, I tried and found out I was right. Still, I don’t know who this person is and probably won’t until he contacted me again,” Jie replied, as confused as me right now.

First, the book and Moomin doll. Now, this. What again after this?

“Anyway, little Junjun. I must go to work now. My money is going sore if I don’t stop now,” he said.

“Okay. Do you use any chatting application? Just send me your ID.”

“KTalk? Is it okay?”

“Yup.”

“Okay! Have a nice day mate. I’m really happy to be able to talk to you after a long time!” he said.

“Me too…”

He hung the call and I plugged back my phone. The talk gave me so much information I couldn’t imagine exist. But then, that’s how life will be going. One day too, I can lose everything beloved to me like Jie. I’m glad Jie can find his peace after suffering for so long. And from now on, I can help him whenever he needs my help. I can be by his side and I couldn’t be happier than this…

…I felt a pang suddenly.

Like what I said is a reality. Somewhere deep in my heart, I felt like I have lost something precious to me…

I looked at the clock. 8 o’clock. I decided to finish my morning routine, as I planned to visit the practice room I avoided yesterday. It had been a while since I visited them after all.

* * *

 

By the time I want to go to SM building, it was 11 o’clock in the afternoon.

I got a message right after took a bath. Cleaning the house—which was a nightmare—took too much time. I didn’t know how they can make a room so dirty in just span of 10 hours. I didn’t understand my members and probably won’t until they came out and told me what the hell they are doing in the midnight. I looked at my phone immediately and found Jeno messaged me.

“ _Where are you? Home? Or SM? If possible, I will go home early. I planned to go to the market. Anything you want to eat?_

 _Don’t just read it :(_ ”

Well, Jeno. I don’t even plan to read it. I deleted them immediately.

Put in my training attires, water bottles, phone charger and half-charged Moomin powerbank which Jeno gave me last year to my backpack, I closed the back part of my bag. I took the books from the coffee table, both of them and the dictionary. Closed the front part, I proceed to go to my room and took my wallet and phone. After that, I grabbed my dark blue jacket and brought my bag out.

After putting the training shoes, I locked the door and walked to SM building.

When I arrived, I couldn’t find any NCT members here. Strange. Maybe they ate lunch in the upper floor? I don’t know. I greeted some seniors and staffs. Entered the elevator, I chose 6th floor as it was one of the floors with practice rooms.

Believe it or not, there was a hidden practice room that hadn’t been used for years anymore in the corner of floor 6. It was an old practice room. The lighting was so bad and they couldn’t fix it anymore. Also, the floor was made from woods. Since it was old already, the building management thought it was a bad idea to use the room so they let them be. Rotten in the corner, unseen from anybody.

I went to that room. Putting down my bag, I searched the speaker immediately. Even though the room was old, the music compartments were quite new. So I was able to understand how to use it really soon. Changed my clothes, I began to stretch my body after that.

Under the dimmed room, I danced as hard as I can.

Since I entered the SM, whenever I want to be alone, I always use this room. No one can find me at all. Such a surprise. But there is one person who can guess right every single time I went missing and it’s always him who can find me.

Mark-hyung.

The more I danced, the more I feel like I want to be found by him.

My heart ached. Longing for his presence.

Why do I feel like this? I’m just a normal little brother to him. Nothing more.

…

I miss him.

The time I felt like my body is going to dying soon was the time I stopped. I looked the clock in my phone. Whenever I danced alone, I tend to forget the time. And it happened again. Somehow, it was already 6 o’clock in the evening. By the time I arrived here, 12 o’clock, I have been dancing for six hours non-stop. It explained the aching back and sore limbs I got right now.

And a sea of messages stormed my phone immediately.

“ _Renjun, why you don’t reply? – Jeno_

_Are you sleeping, hyung? – Chenle_

_Renjun-ah. Pls reply. Are you okay? – Jeno_

_Renjun-ah!!_

_Renjun, you better answer before I spammed your inbox! – Haechan_

_Hyung, are you alive? - Jisung_ ”

The rest were spams of my name. I felt a bit disappointed because I didn’t see Mark-hyung’s name. Maybe he was busy…

Sigh.

I decided to give a reassuring message to Manager-hyung and went home. We weren’t going to release a new song soon so it was okay to not spend a long time in the company.

On my way home, I visited my favorite coffee shop.

“Welcome, sir! May I help you?” the different maid from yesterday asked me. I walked to the counter.

“One Chocolate Latte. Warm one, please,” I replied.

“Anything else?”

“No, only that…”

“I understand. Please wait a minute,” she said, giving her brightest smile as she proceeds to make my order.

After a while, my order arrived. I paid the coffee and thanked the waitress, only to get the same reaction as yesterday. Once again, I wasn’t able to witness why they were screaming though. I walked home in hurry, afraid if someone will arrived home first than me. I was supposed to go home first after all.

Glad, there was no one inside. I placed my latte in coffee table and put my bag in the living room. I took a fresh sweater and went to have a shower. After I was done, I went back to the living room. Sitting in the sofa, I picked the book Mark-hyung gave to me and his dictionary from my bag. After finding my comfort, I rested my bag and read the fourth chapter immediately, while sipping my latte.

The last three chapters were quite boring for me. Maybe it was because I read it for so long it became boring. But Mark-hyung said the actual problem started in the fourth chapter, when the girl began to realize his lover doesn’t contact her for a week long. Because this is where Hyung said the things become serious, I looking forward to read this.

The more I read this, the more my heart ached.

Also, the more I read this, the more I feel the similarities between us.

But I don’t understand how and why.

…

It’s been a while since Mark-hyung contacted me.

…

As I finished the fourth chapter and drank half of the latte, my eyes protested. The coffee didn’t work, huh? I closed the book and put them in the coffee table.

I closed my eyes—prepared to go to dream land like how I always did every night.

…

From a far, the nostalgic lullaby I heard last night passed my mind again and calmed my heart again. The aches were gone. Gave me a small peace instead.

The voice was really familiar. He sang something I don’t really understand. In English.

Amazing Grace, I think?

And soon, my mind drifted to the world of dream once again—this time, though, a pleasant dream didn’t greet me and a nightmare said their greeting instead.

…

Unknown to me, someone opened the door right after I slept tightly. He put down his bag and went to the living room immediately. Holding my tiny hands, he watched my breathing softly.

“…I’m sorry… But everyone has given up…

He… probably won’t be able to wake up anymore….

Sorry… Renjun-ah…”

Jeno kissed my forehead softly and sobbed hard beside me, who was oblivious to his presence and dreamed the infamous accident which became a hot topic in the news for past several days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> try imagine mark lee singing amazing grace  
> you already found me dead


	4. Wednesday

_I open my eyes._

_But the lights are still off in my room…_

* * *

  **Chapter 3 – Wednesday**

* * *

 I thought waking up on 9 AM on Monday was the last time I will break my wake up time record. I thought nine is already worse and try to prevent myself of waking up at that time once again. Somehow, my alarm success yesterday and I woke up earlier.

Never thought 12 PM will be my new record.

For God sake, it’s not my intention at all to wake up so late. Jisung sometimes lectured me about this. He said about stop being lazy and get up right after you are awake. Why I never listen to him? Is it because he is younger than me? Probably. But we are talking about Park Jisung who is well-known of talking random things along with his half-life Zhong Chenle and believing them sometimes just feel so idiot. I never knew the day where I should listen to Park Jisung’s words will come.

Another fun fact is despite being sleeping for more than half a day, 15 hours actually, I still felt so sleepy. Should I just sleep for a whole day? Stay in the bed and don’t interact with outside world even once. Like that woman from the novel Mark-hyung gave to me.

I rubbed my eyes only to find myself being surprised. My hands got wet suddenly and somehow, I realized it comes from my own eyes. This explained the blur world I saw when I opened them.

Probably I cried in my sleep. Now you said it, I dreamed something quite… scary. I dreamed what the news is telling lately—that nightmare car accident.

At first, I was running. Running as fast as I can, trying to see the accident closer. Somehow, I heard someone calling my name faintly. I still tried to find who called me. In the end, I saw someone lay down on the ground with fire close to him and he was bleeding. He was the one who called me.

His voice sounded similar to Mark-hyung…

If it was Mark-hyung, then I understood the wet eyes immediately.

Oh right. Talking about Mark-hyung, he hasn’t read any of my messages. He is the type who read messages fast. Even though he probably took hours to reply it, he reads the message within one minute. There is a reason for his late reply. He is too busy. No one in NCT can beat how busy he is. I understood if he couldn’t answer me immediately.

But not reading any of it for days? A big question.

But then, maybe something happened to his phone. I haven’t met the brats or Hyungs, so I don’t know what happen to him. Wiped my tears, I picked up my phone. I messaged Taeyong-hyung about Mark-hyung and brought them out from my room—deciding to embrace the outside as it is not Huang Renjun to stay in his room so long unless something annoying for him happened.

When I went out, everything was really tidy. I didn’t think all of them went home last night. Too strange. There is still no one stayed at home. Are they even go home or not…

I went to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator and drank right from the bottle, I just realized that above there is no person left in this house except me, they didn’t left me any messages as well. No calls, no bombarding messages, no post-its… Nothing. Did they even leave me one and I haven’t found it or they feel tired to have their messages being ignored? I don’t know. I don’t care either.

…

Maybe I’m too cold.

Have I turned into a heartless person?

…

…Probably.

Charged my phone and powerbank, I left them alone in the corner of the room and took a bath. When I returned, somehow, my phone had been lighted up, but there was no ringtone played at all. While drying my hair, I checked whether the brats decided to give me some living clues—or probably they wanted to make sure whether I’m still alive or not. I saw some missed calls from Chenle. Just when I was about to call him back, his name showed up in my screen.

“Chenle, what is it?” I asked.

“ _Hyung! I’m so sorry for leaving so early since two days ago… I kept making you concerned about me… But I’m with Jisung too today. Sorry, Hyung. Probably I won’t go home today. Jisung’s mother asked me to stay—_ ”

“Slow down, little boy. I’m not in rush and neither you are.”

“ _Right. Why I’m in rush again… Anyway, Hyung. Do you feel lonely? These days both Jisung and me haven’t go to the company. We were worried if our dancing skill will drop because we just idled around here…_ ”

…

Did I ever feel lonely? Probably yes.

“I don’t feel lonely at all. I’m fine to be alone. Also, Jeno and Jaemin come home at night.”

“ _Good… They should not leave you alone especially at days like these. But they are away, right?_ ”

Days like these?

“They are, for now.”

“ _I will scold him later. They can’t leave you like this!! How dare them!!_ ”

“Chenle, I’m fine.”

“ _Anyway, Hyung! I called because… I have a small favor…_ ”

“Tell me. I’m free today.”

“ _Can you buy a fruit parcel? One of Jisung’s seniors got sick and he was a beloved senior for him. He actually wanted to buy one himself but he didn’t have time to do so and I don’t know where to buy it…_ ”

“Okay…”

“Thank you”

Strange. Jisung isn’t a type to buy something for someone else. Also, as far as his brain brought him to his past, he never recalled the youngest member of NCT has any **close friends especially seniors** except they are within SM. Even if it’s true the senior is from SM, he won’t know if they are sick or not! I felt confused, but nonetheless, he believed him.

Then again, it’s Jisung. He is unpredictable. Maybe he did make friends with his seniors. Like Taemin or Eunhyuk or Gikwang? Since they did doting on him so much before, maybe they really did get close.

Somewhere deep in my heart, though, I felt something is wrong.

The parcel isn’t going to Jisung’s senior is term of his idol senior. But maybe some other kind of senior I knew as well...

Okay, fine. Whatever.

Packing the things I might need, I looked at the clock. Close to one o’clock in the noon and I haven’t eaten anything yet. A lunch in my favorite coffee shop seems appealing. Also, I want to finish Mark-hyung’s book by today and moved on to other book. Even though I want to visit the practice room…

Okay, I will just take my deserved holiday.

Closed the door and locked it, with a bit lighthearted step, I went to the place I visited the most lately.

* * *

“I don’t know I will meet you here out of all places!”

I put down my book to see who just spoke.

She wore a pink-colored sweater and above-leg jeans skirt, possessed a currently untied medium-cut hair and glasses between her noses. She put down her bag and ran to the counter, ordered a cup of hot chocolate and two pieces of strawberry pie. Bringing back the order with a tray, she took a sit in front of me, moved all the food and beverages, and returned the tray back to the counter.

For a few minutes, we didn’t talk. She kept sipping her drink while I continue reading my book.

“Is it interesting?” she asked.

“It is.”

“Can you read it?”

“Somehow I managed to.”

She sighed and pulled the book away from me.

“Stop ignoring my presences when I’m sitting in front of you. It’s rude for a younger brother to ignore his sister!”

I gave her a questioning look. Since when such rule exists again?

“Yeah, right. But why did you come here—or to be precise, how do you find me?” I asked, trying to get my book back.

“I just come to some places you will visit in daily occasions. I tried to go to your dorm but no one replying my bell so I thought you are away. I called Jeno in case he knew something but he just told me to go your favorite places. Right. Why should I search where you are when I can just go to Apgujeong or Hongdae and shop?”

“I don’t know. Why do you bother to search me again?”

I pulled back my book and continued to read. I have come to the point of no dictionary anymore. I have grown so much in pass three days and look, I’m almost finished my book in two hours. Only around 30 pages left, and I can move on to another book.

If my cousin didn’t come here, of course.

She drank her drink again.

“Do you know that uncle and aunt are worried about you? You didn’t call them lately, nor replied their messages. Why don’t you want to spend time with them now they are in Korea?” she asked.

“This is not the Renjun I know at all,” she added.

Looking at the writing, I began to read a line written there.

” _It doesn’t matter of who I have been with, but I think it wasn’t your concern so you need to ask me that question. I’m perfectly fine by myself, and I don’t need your stupid pity to continue my life._ ”

“What?”

“What the main protagonist said when she was told to taking a shelter in social house. Since she was sick.”

My sister looked at the book really close, seemed like to figure something out. I closed the book and gave it to her. She examined the book really carefully. It seemed like she knew something about this book, as after a while, her face looked really surprised and returned the book back.

“That book. It’s the original first press release!”

“What?”

“That book is really popular even in China. I bought the second press but it was translated into Chinese! That’s why I thought I have seen this book somewhere in my life but can’t figure where! I have read it! I don’t know you get the original English one.”

“Mark-ge gave this to me two weeks ago…”

“Mark has a nice sense after all. It was a best seller in Canada. The Author said she wrote use easier English because she wanted to encourage people who can’t understand English to learn from this book. Even though the language isn’t that hard, people in Canada considered this book as a best-seller because the unexpected plot. It was hard to portray a woman who will stay faithful to her lover, not even once questioning whether he will be dating another girl or not, and a man who is fall in love with the woman and even giving her a surprise after his death. Probably Mark likes the book and wants you to like it too. He chose an easy book for you alone. You are so lucky to get the first press!

Sadly, I can’t read the original one. Can I borrow it after you are done?”

Mark-hyung chose this book in consider of my interest. He really wanted me to study English and opted to a novel book. He even chose a very suitable book for me. Did he conduct a secret research about my enjoyment or what? Because I must say, I really enjoyed this book and this is the first time I really like a book that I really want to know the plot. Well, the beginning is a bit slow but from the middle to ending, it was amazing.

Hyung is amazing.

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Thank you! I know you are the best, little brother! When I can take the book?”

“Maybe tomorrow… I will finish this today. Just call me tomorrow and I will tell you where you should take the book.”

“Can’t I just come to your dorm?”

“Like I said, it’s a boy dorm. So, no.”

I didn’t know how but it was 4 PM already. My sister already finished her food and she told me that she wanted to go shopping in Hongdae before it got too late. She gave the other pie to me, and bid her goodbye.

I spent some more time in the shop. This time, planning to finish the book for sure. Flipping through the pages, reading every single word carefully, I finally reached the epilogue which took only two pages. In the epilogue, the female visited her lover’s grave and said following lines.

_I will love you even though you are in the heaven and probably lead a happier life than I am now. I will always love you wherever you are. But the life without you has no meaning for me. You gave your life to encourage me so I can live. I will not throw this life away because this is the life you give me. Thus, I will try to move. To go closer to wherever you are. To continue the dream we cannot achieve because of my poor condition. To reach our utopia._

_I’m perfectly healthy now, thanks to you._

_Please watch over me now. And rest._

_I love you._

It was touching. But if I’m in her position, I don’t think I can say the same. Especially after everyone told her off and dismissed her like she was nothing.

…

**_I will never leave you, Injun-ah. Not even once._ **

Ah, what a sweet words. I wonder if Hyung still remember his promise.

What am I talking about? I must be hallucinating.

Finished the pie (which is actually my first and last meal of the day), I put my things back to my bag and left the shop. I think the waitress told me “please come back again” before leaving and bowed. After getting out, I plugged my airpod, played a song and walked home.

The songs I listened were our NCT songs. Somehow, I want to listen to them. I rarely did.

I stopped in the middle of the bridge led to the dorm. There, I put down the bag and stood close to the bridge’s hand. Put my arms above it, I began to sing the songs passed through my ears as I saw the sunset.

When the sun was about to set, Walk You Home played. What a coincidence.

_“We’re here! Goodbye, get home safe. Oh yeah yeah._

_I will watch you go inside so hurry up and go in!”_

_After your pretty back disappears,_

_I turn around and start to miss you already…_

**_Don’t you like Walk You Home a lot? You really like it, right?_ **

**_Well… I feel hurt whenever I must see you go to different dorm from me._ **

**_But like the lyrics I wrote, hehe, I will wait tomorrow to come. So I can meet you again. And maybe… Uhm… Give you a hug?_ **

**_A really warm one, hehe._ **

I watched as the pretty sun hid under the far away sea.

As I felt the wind blowing across me, I watched the whole scenery and realized that my face is getting wet. I smiled as I wiped them with a cloth. I picked my bag again and this time, proceed to go to where I will spend the night.

…

_I miss you, Mark-hyung._

* * *

Home sweet home.

Somehow, I forgot to buy what Chenle asked me this morning so I decided to do a detour to convenience store. Somehow I bought some chips and a lot of instant hot chocolate and turned out to spend more than I expected myself. After that, I bought some fruits and asked if the aunt can pack them into fruit package. She is so kind, she said actually they didn’t do that kind of service but she will do it for me without charge. She even gave me a pack of instant tteokbeokki, nagged me to eat more instead. I thanked her and still pay overprice for the tteokbeokki.

My day hasn’t ended yet.

I don’t know how, but there is a package box placed right in front of the entrance. It wasn’t big, but enough to close the entrance and made you lifted your legs quite high. The name of the receiver is on my name apparently. But how they get them inside is beyond my knowledge. Did someone home?

I was right. Someone is here.

“Jeno, are you home?” I asked.

I don’t get any reply though.

Wondered what I must do with the package since it was quite huge, I decided to kick them inside lightly so they moved slowly. It wasn’t heavy actually, but my hands are full from groceries. After reached the living room, I left it alone and put down all the plastics in the table. Putting down my bag, I properly picked up the package and placed it above the coffee table.

Right on time, Jeno appeared from the bathroom.

“Oh, you are home,” he said.

“I’m home,” I replied.

He looked at the package. “What is that?”

“Shouldn’t be the one who questioned it to you? Aren’t you the one who accept it? I mean, a package can’t get inside unless someone received it, right?”

“Maybe I did,” Jeno said, while drying his wet hair.

I shoo-ed him to the room since he is topless. He always did it if he was alone at home. As Jeno went to our shared room, I opened the box with nearby scissors. After fighting with thousand-layer bubble wraps, I finally got the thing and surprised to see it was another book. With a yellow-colored sweater and a notebook.

I think the sweater is the one I was about to buy last week.

“Wow, you bought that sweater?” Jeno asked.

“No. I’m not. I told you I don’t buy it because it was too pricey, do you forgot?”

“No, but change of heart can happen anytime, you know.”

“Whatever.”

Jeno sat in the sofa and switched on the TV. I sat beside him as I read the book’s summary. It was written by the same author of the book I read just now. Somehow, I got curious about the actual sender of these things.

And luckily, inside the box, there’s a payment paper. The account name was a bit strange, but it came into light once I saw the name of who paid it. It was under Mark-hyung’s name and it was bought two weeks ago. Seeing the nickname, somehow it makes sense. This is an international shipment so the packaging is a bit rough. Now I remember it, the sweater isn’t exactly the one I really one but it is similar.

Going to use it tomorrow.

Behind the book, there was a note. It was written in English and a very Mark Lee style of writing. Did he buy this when he was in another country? Then why must ships it if he can just brought it with him? Shipping cost is expensive…

“ _To my dear Renjun who will receive this package,_

_I chose these things carefully when I was in America. I hope you like it. Read the book carefully, I know you are an English genius now!_

_:) don’t forget to message me after it arrived!_

_I love you - Mark_ ”

I love you.

It’s just a phrase, but I felt warm. I felt like I heard Mark said it directly to me and not from written words like this. I felt like Mark is actually beside me, telling this over and over and hugging me warmly even though he wasn’t beside me right now.

It’s a really powerful phrase that felt so true. My heart beats so fast suddenly.

Jeno watched me closed my face and he read the note. He patted my head.

“It took you two years to realize our beloved Hyung is madly in love with you. He finally confessed,” Jeno said.

“The question is whether you feel the same or not,” he continued.

Ah.

Jeno is right.

I feel Mark-hyung’s love just by a phrase. He also did a lot to me and I just realized it today. Mark-hyung has been doing so much for my sake. He helped me in a lot of ways. He comforted me. He made me feel at home, feel loved. Even at days like this, when the brats aren’t home and Jeno went home really late on daily occasion, I never felt lonely because I want to prove myself to him. I want to make him proud.

So… The question is…

Do I like him? Maybe.

Do I love him? Probably.

…

Maybe I do love him.

So this is the feeling of falling in love.

Put down the book, I took the bath and went to bed while thinking about falling in love with an amazing person like Mark-hyung. Maybe I should feel lucky because our feelings are mutual. I closed my eyes and smiled.

I’m in love with Mark-hyung.

I love Mark-hyung.

It’s the truth. And I don’t hate it either.

I feel like I found the light of my life.

But deep somewhere inside my heart, I felt something is wrong. I don’t know what it is.

It’s just wrong.

…

**_Amazing grace_ **

**_How sweet the sound_ **

I heard Mark-hyung’s voice again. Like two days ago and yesterday, I heard his singing again. This time, I felt like I was sleeping above the grass field and the smell of the Earth filled my nose. I opened my eyes and found a countryside-like scenery greeted me.

I saw Mark-hyung sat beside me, looking at me lovingly as he patted my head. He was still singing Amazing Grace. His eyes were so mesmerizing I can’t look anywhere else but him.

“Do you have a nightmare yesterday?” he asked me.

How did he know?

“Well… You must be tired. I mean, you got a bad nightmare and you still drilled yourself to finish the book. How is it?”

Very satisfying, of course. I felt like one of my life goal has been cleared.

“Haha! Then you have two books waiting. I’m so proud my little Renjun can finish an English book. I thought it will take you thousand years.”

Don’t talk like that!

…But… How do you know? I haven’t tell you about I have finished that book…

“Well. I stay by your side. I will know.

Anyway, it’s night already. I will make sure you won’t get any nightmare anymore.”

Ah Hyung, can I tell you something?

“Injun-ah, I’m sorry but my time is up. Let’s meet again tomorrow!”

But Hyung, it’s important—

…

Hyung continued his song and slowly, I felt so sleepy.

I haven’t been able to tell I love him back.

And then, everything around me became dark as I felt someone hugged me.

* * *

“He is fine, right?”

“Somehow, he is. But last night he got a nightmare. That’s why I stay home tonight.”

“I’m sorry, Jeno. It must be hard for you to see the one you love suffered this much. Because of the one he loved.”

“…”

“It is okay, Hyung. Injun needs someone else beside him for now. I will come tomorrow morning.”

“I hope he won’t get another nightmare.”

“I just hope he won’t freaked out once he remembers. Just seeing him getting a nightmare is… already worrying.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Jeno hung up the call with NCT's leader, Taeyong, and looked at the sky through the window. A bright full moon could be seen. He sighed.

“God, if You really protecting Your child, then give Renjun a proper sleep at least for tonight,”

“Because the time is coming. And I’m afraid he won’t be able to sleep anymore after… tomorrow.”

After making sure to put everything in their places and put the fruit parcel inside the refrigerator, Jeno switched off the lamp. Then, he opened the door of his room, found Renjun sleeping very sound with no sight of getting a nightmare, and closed it. Ended the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me a while because i got a writer block  
> an okay chapter, right?


End file.
